Everything will be alright

It's 4 o'clock in the morning

My phone gave out a loud buzz. Instinctively, I knew it was a missed call. I'm always missing my calls. When I was in high school, I would get excited picking ringtones on my Razr. When I found out I could edit songs and make them ringtones, I'd have people call me just so I can hear the snippet of that song. Now, when anyone calls me, I don't hear a thing. It doesn't vibrate, it doesn't ring.

I had 3 missed calls from Dad. 7:17, 7:20, and 7:35 in the morning. I know I can't speedily subtract, but I knew it was early in Los Angeles. 4 o'clock early. I was wide awake when I realized the time. Why is he calling me? Is everything okay? Is mom okay? Did someone die? What else would I assume if my dad calls me at 4 in the morning?

Instead of calling back, I checked my voicemail.

"Hi, it's Dad. You got a letter," he said loudly in Vietnamese. I hear my mother yelling something in the background. At least I know they're both alive.

I called back.

"You got a mail for jury duty!" he said.

I was speechless.

"I'll have your brother mail it to you! Remember to fill it out, tell them you don't live here anymore."

I didn't bother to ask why they both were up so early and why they had to call me at that moment.

"Are you going to work now?" he asked.

I said yes, hung up the phone, and went back to sleep.

Where have you been?

I've been looking for you. I've checked everywhere. Even when it looks like we're as compatible as ever, you end up finding someone else.

In the beginning, I was nervous. Will I look good? Am I smiling too much? How do I say goodbye? I'd spend hours thinking of how to approach you, and realize that it doesn't matter too much. As long as I show that I am human, you'll respond back. When I finally got to meet you, it wasn't as bad as I thought. We were communicating. I was energized, and you were the same. But you didn't call me back. Well, you did, but it took three weeks, and you told me I wasn't the one. 

The furthest I've travelled to meet you was 2 hours. That's one way. I was willing to have a long distance relationship if I meant I'd have some kind of stability. Again, you rejected me for someone else. I had to keep reaching out for you to get an answer.

I thought maybe I should change some things up. It sounds ridiculous, but I remember wearing shoes instead of sandals for my third driving test and I passed. I passed because I changed my shoes. Everything else was the same.

So, after 6 months of searching for you, I thought I had found the one. This time, I went and bought new clothes. I didn't wear my glasses. I wore makeup. I even told everyone about you. My father knew about you.

Again, I was let down. I thought changing things up would work, but it didn't. In the end, there is someone out there with more past experience. But don't you like novelty? Don't you want a fresh mind, someone who isn't jaded? 

I don't know when I will find out. I feel it's time for me to stop searching. I'll let you find me.